um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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