Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
