Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
