And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
