I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
its liver damage thursday
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
