Where did you get a picture of my penis
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't motorboat a personality
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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