Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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