he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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