I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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