I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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