Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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