This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
