On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
