I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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