You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My ass is underappreciated
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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