Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
