He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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