My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
