guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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