In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
