Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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