The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
