Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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