can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
