I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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