..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
