Please, let me fuck your mom
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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