He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
