I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
