i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dick very happy bro
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
