I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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