nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
