just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize