the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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