Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
