My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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