she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
