Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
