margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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