im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
