So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
