I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
