this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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