What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
