Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
