You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
