Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
