i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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