I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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