Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
