i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize