you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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