i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
