So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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