Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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