So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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