i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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