Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
