Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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