i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
