Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
