I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
