I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He felt like a one man threesome
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
