it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
