So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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