It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
