I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
