she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Holy shit dude........stairs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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