Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
