good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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