there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
