Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His hands were made for my vagina.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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