return my video game
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
