I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
